A Redefinition of Essential

On March 16th, I woke up with an inkling that something about my body was different. I was compelled to take a pregnancy test. I looked down at the counter in shock, it was positive. My excitement overshadowed the fact that my partner and I were about to lose our jobs due to a pandemic. I didn’t stop to think about what it might be like to be pregnant during a global crisis. My dream was coming true and I was ecstatic. 

“Then, five weeks after finding out the best news possible, I experienced the worst.”

Due to the pandemic, I sat in a dim lit radiology room alone while a medical resident diagnosed me with “pregnancy failure.” The following day before the sun rose, my dream was shattered. I sat with myself, torn with the decision to share my struggle with my friends and family or not to.  

While it was hard to receive and grapple with this news while in isolation, as an aspiring doula, on my mind were also the women who choosing to birth in hospitals and facing an even more isolating situation: birthing alone. I know that during birth, women are in an extremely vulnerable position. I find it is essential to have someone by your side through this life-altering experience. 

“I applied this same mentality to my own experience.”

I opened up to people slowly. I found myself feeling a little more free with each person I shared with. In a moment where I thought it would be best to be alone, I started to realize what I needed most was my community.